mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Randomize