I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
