just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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