I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
