yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
