it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
