I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
