I'm so fucking centered right now
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize