Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
