I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
