vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
