I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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