A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
