Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
