man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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