the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
