I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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