The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
