I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
