he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
