We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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