i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
