Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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