So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
