I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
