apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
