I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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