I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
