Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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