i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
