im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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