he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
