gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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