he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
