I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
