walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
