remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
