nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
