Sober January is a disaster.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
