I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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