My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
