An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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