3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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