I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize