i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
