Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
