Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize