Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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