he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
