idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
