and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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