my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
