So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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