Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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