**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
