i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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