You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
