yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
