11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i think my tv is drunk
he shaved USA in his pubs
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
