There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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