I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
