Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
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