Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
