Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
