We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he was CRYING into my vagina
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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