it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
