I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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